The Ultimate Weapon
by MirrorChimmy133
Summary: When Stewie comes up with the ultimate plan, chaos will ensue. Oneshot. R&R. FINISHED!


The Family Guy Fic

**Disclaimer:** Of course I don't own Family Guy, if I did there would be an episode titled "Fatman and Blobin." Give all your love to FOX, and probably cheese, you know you love it.

**Author Note: **This is a one shot, that is centered around the antics of Stewie and his ultimate weapon. Have fun, review, and NO FLAMES, ONLY CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM.

Chapter 1: The Ultimate Weapon

As the younger Griffin boy, who was not Meg, was pacing back and forth, wearing a thin trail into his room carpet, pondering over how to execute his plan to finally eliminate the troublesome woman named Lois with his ultimate weapon. Then, due to his incessant pacing, Stewie Griffin fell through the floor of his room with his trademark, "Blast!"

After several moments of having his head treated for head injuries by the vile woman he loathed with the force of several supernovas, Stewie finally started back upstairs to continue admiring his best weapon yet--the one that would finally destroy the loathsome creature called Lois Griffin. Oddly enough, the very thing that would eradicate Lois would be one of the most harmless devices in their _comfy _household--a toothpick. However, his grand amount of creative genius and sheer talent allowed him to turn such a somewhat harmless item into a toothpick blowgun.

_Yes, this is the exact weapon I could use to annihilate Lois without her being able to use her obvious foresight on my hidden intentions_ thought Stewie as he still tried to think of any flaws in his insidious plans. Little did he know that there would once again be a slight problem in his plan as he would try to execute it, like always.

-

It was approximately seven hours later when he thought to begin his plot to finally rid himself of that woman, who he had always been trying to avoid. At exactly six o'clock, when Lois begins to do laundry, which always takes forever for her due to the immense size of the family's pile of used clothes, he started to execute his plan.

The plan was very simple in its design, allowing no foreseeable problems to arise and stop the execution. All that was needed to do was for everything to be set in place. A bucket of water was set up in the ceiling of the laundry room, it was upside-down and full to the brim so that all that needed to happen was there to be a small hole in the floor for a small trickle to release. A small circle was drawn on the ceiling in crayon to show the area of impact needed to release the water, this was crucial and hard to do due to the fact of the height of the ceiling against the height of Stewie. Thus, a slingshot was created to allow Stewie to reach the ceiling, however, he forgot the bright orange crayon.

"Blast!" was the remark of Stewie due to this small matter, but he didn't let that get him down. He tried again remembering the crayon this time. Now all that was left was to wait in his hiding spot in the corner of the laundry room for Lois, all the while being unseen.

-

When all was done, it was ready to happen, all that was required now was Lois' repulsive self to begin the nightly routine of the laundry. She came a little late, due to the antics of Peter setting the couch on fire somehow from the misuse of the microwave, which is undoubtedly a little weird.

When she finally sat in her usual spot for the laundry, which is noted by a dent in the floor, it was all about to begin. As Lois began to hum some wretched song called "Camp town Ladies", Stewie pulled out his toothpick blowgun that he named the Pickinator 2000, or Shirley, the name of some evil child actress a long time ago that starred in the eerily happy movie known as Heidi. It had begun.

He first aimed at the circle noting where the bucket was, right as Lois slipped her head in the dryer due to a sock being devoured before her eyes. _So, that is where my socks go. Hmm, that's why I constantly have to find two mixed socks, _thought Stewie as he fired the first toothpick. Thankfully, it unnoticeably struck the mark and the hole started to drip, right on Lois.

"Why, that is so weird. The ceiling is dripping. Wait is that a bright orange circle…" Started Lois as she looked up, distracted by the dripping, the circle, and for some reason the weird shattering upstairs. At least it was all according to plan. Stewie took the time to load another toothpick and started to aim it straight at Lois' head. _Finally, I am done with her never-ending ranting and nagging, _thought Stewie in delight at the thought of finally ending his torture at the hands of Lois.

Then the unexpected happened. As he was about to end Lois' life, a golf ball flew and ricocheted off the laundry wall, then connected with the barrel of the Pickinator causing the toothpick to hit the wall instead of Lois' fleshy head. All this was followed with several exclamations, Peter yelled "Timber!"

Which was followed by Brian, _that flea-infested mutt, _saying "Peter, I believe the correct term is 'fore'."

"Blast you, you accursed oaf!" Stewie growled out, eyes narrowing in anger.

This however caused two things, Lois to notice him, saying, "Peter, you know what I said about indoor golfing. You could have hit Stewie. Stewie, I'll take your toy and help you upstairs while I talk to Peter."

Of course, once again his plans were foiled by the fat man and that vile woman. He will have to try again tomorrow.


End file.
